You wouldn’t believe the rumours that are going around school at the moment, I can’t believe the dull lives people must lead, they spend their time reading rubbish papers and magazines which are full of boring trivia about Z-List celebrities lives (and why does everyone on MTV’s cribs show you what’s in their fridge?) Anyway – because everyone is so interested in this crap they turn their own lives into mini dramas. I don’t get told the gossip, because I’m not interested and nobody talks to me anyway. But you can tell when there’s gossip going on as groups of people just suddenly go off into a huddle and talk really excitedly for ages getting more and more carried away, they look like a bunch of chattering baboons, except that baboons have more brains. It’s a real laugh, because they think they’re being subtle and then they all turn round at once and really stare at people, which is about as subtle as hiring a plane and spraying the gossip into the sky in smoke. These are the rumours that I have overheard when I really haven’t been trying and the gossipers haven’t wanted me to hear.
First the ones about me.
Last week I tried to kill myself, there are two versions of this, one is that I stole my mums valium (like mum would ever take that kind of stuff) and took an overdose.
I am a lesbian. (The evidence for this is apparently because I have been seen staring at Jade, I think people are mistaking my look of astonishment at her hideousness for lust).
Then the one’s about Brian, who is a bit of a cool dude (how can you be cool with a name like Brian?) and Tammy, who is also a bit of a dude. Apparently, they have sex in the bushes outside Tammy’s house every Friday night. (I expect this rumour is about as true as the ones about me)
Oh, and there is a long list of girls who are supposed to be pregnant. . . .
Just get back to your magazines about where to buy the best thongs.