alternative freak

Party was a bit boring to be honest. The music was rubbish and there just wasn’t any atmosphere, just loads of people standing around and talking. Apparently there were three couples in one of the bedrooms all having sex at the same time – class.

Uncle Angus was supposed to come to Sunday lunch yesterday but he wasn’t in when Steve went to pick him up – or at least, he wasn’t opening the door. I called in on him on my way home today and he wasn’t answering. I hope everything is ok.

I called in on Uncle Angus again today, he was really weird, he said that he’d been in all weekend and yesterday. I told him that I called and he said that he hadn’t heard?? I don’t really know what’s going on, he was very distracted, not really listening to what I was saying, and he went into the kitchen to make a cup of tea then came back empty handed about five minutes later and didn’t mention the tea again. I know I should mention it to Mum, but I know that Uncle Angus wouldn’t want me to mention it and I don’t want to do something he wouldn’t like.

Janice is not taking any crap from Jade, she looks as if she’s tipping over the edge. She is agitated and distracted, but when she is anywhere near Jade she threatens her, it’s quite frightening. I know that Jade is really regretting picking on her, I think she thinks that if she turned her back she’d get a knife in it. I would be quite afraid too, I saw Janice sawing away at her arm with a random piece of metal at lunchtime.

It’s Easter holidays next week, which will be good, well, being out of school anyway, although two weeks seems like a long time and then goes really quickly. I’m going to be a Sad Sam and do some studying.

We went out for a family dinner last night – again. Apparently, Mum had told me about it a while ago, but I don’t think I had been listening. We went out because it was Steve’s birthday, Mum had said that they should go out to dinner on their own, but Steve had insisted we all went as a family – good old Steve. It meant that I had to blow out Imogen and Matt, we were supposed to be going to the Swan. Imogen and Matt still went. When I spoke to Matt this morning, he said he’d had a good time.

Am going to Matt’s tonight, am looking forward to it as we haven’t really spent much time together. Also, I’m not going to have sex with him tonight and I don’t even have to confront the issue as I’ve got my period – God, I sound like Claire. It’s Mum’s birthday on Saturday, so we are all staying in for dinner – Claire has said she’ll cook it, what a nightmare.

It was great seeing Matt last night, it was like when we first met, we watched a DVD and talked and it just felt really close. I’m seeing him again on Weds, we’re going to the Swan since I can’t go on Saturday. I still get a fluttering stomach when I’m with Matt, or I think about him. It’s a bit pathetic, but it’s also nice. He seems to know me really well and to still like me!! It’s really crap to define yourself by how much other people like you, but it’s also flattering to know that they do. Did some studying with Imogen today, well tried to; she wasn’t really in the mood so we ended up talking and messing about most of the day. Claire is driving me mad, she has a new friend called Natasha who has just started work at the shoe shop. “She is such a laugh”, Claire won’t stop going on about her. I suppose it’s not surprising since Claire hasn’t had a “best” friend before. . .

Swan tonight – good job we’re not going tomorrow night as Claire is going with “such a laugh Tash”.

I told Imogen that we should call for Jed on the way to the Swan yesterday. I don’t know why it popped into my head – we don’t normally call for him, if he’s there, he’s there, but I thought that it would be good to see him as I hadn’t seen him for a while. His dad answered the door, if there was a role in a film for a child beater, this bloke would get the part, he was big and grubby with loads of tattoos and really rude. Imogen said in her sweetest voice “is Jed there?” and the dad didn’t even answer, he just turned round and shouted Jed in a really loud voice and then walked off. Jed was a bit flustered when he got to the door, but he just got his coat and came. He said he didn’t have much money so we did a whip in the pub. It was a really good night, relaxed and funny, Matt was cracking jokes and it was great. Paul tried to come over and join in, but he soon got the message and went off to talk to other people.
Claire has been going on an on about going out tonight and what she’s wearing and what time she’s going to Tash’s, she obviously doesn’t get out enough.

It was really funny, Claire came home absolutely trashed last night. Mum was horrified and went into panic mode. Claire was sick on the stairs and talking loads of nonsense, Mum was all for phoning an ambulance, but it was actually Steve who calmed her down and said that Claire just needed to sleep it off. Mum still insisted on staying up all night in Claire’s room in case she was sick in her sleep and choked to death!! This morning Claire was feeling really really rough and stayed in bed til 1, and didn’t to go school. Mum was really grumpy this morning; she had to go to work having had no sleep.

Poor old mum, her birthday was a bit of a disaster, first of all, she and Claire are still at loggerheads, Mum tried to ground Claire for two weeks and Claire for once in her life stood up and said it wasn’t right and that she was too old to be grounded – I can see her point. Then Mum, realising that she was on a bit of a loser tried to compromise on one week, but it ended up with Claire promising not to go to the pub again until she is eighteen which is five months away, so I don’t think Claire will keep to it. But Claire did try and cook a really nice meal for Mum, Andrew and I helped out and it didn’t work out too badly. We tried to cheer Mum up a bit, but it wasn’t until she’d had over half a bottle of wine that she started to chill out – ironic? I think so.

I spent the day with Uncle Angus – he was as normal as he used to be. We had a good laugh and had curry and he remembered his wallet and didn’t wander off in the middle of a conversation. It was really great, he seemed ten years younger than he had done. I even told him that I’d been worried about him. He told me that he’d been worried about himself!! But said that he thought he was just getting old and sometimes his mind was a little bit fuzzy. I feel much easier about it now, I was getting a bit worried about him. Speaking of people getting better – I saw Imogen’s Dad a few days ago and he seemed much less upset. Imogen says he’s almost back to normal.

We finally met Tash last night, I’m surprised the red carpet wasn’t rolled out. She’s not a right laugh at all, she was bossing Claire about before she’d even been in the house five minutes and Claire didn’t even notice. She really reckons herself and even struts about when she walks. Andrew said she reminded him of hen, strutting about and making so much noise. He thought she was a “total idiot”. Luckily they spent most of the evening in Claire’s room, giggling and making a load of noise. Claire should be studying for her AS levels, but she’s not.

Matt came over today and ended up staying for dinner, it was a bit embarrassing, but Mum insisted. Steve was in his element, chatting away about the interesting topic of football, he couldn’t have picked a worse listener though, Matt hates football. But, when I was taking the piss out of Steve later, Matt said that he was OK really, and that we didn’t like him because he was moving in on our mum and our territory. I told Matt he sounded like Willa and he said that was because he was the wisest of the wise!! I cracked up.

We’re having a big night at the Swan tomorrow since it’s the last day of the Easter holidays. I’m looking forward to it, but it has also reminded me that we are getting the mock results when we get back. I know I cocked up a bit, but thought that I’d done OK on some of the stuff. But now I’m worried and think I might have cocked the whole lot up.

Really excited about tonight and have even arranged for Imogen to come round so that we can get ready together.

It was a really, really great night last night, but the price to pay is a really bad head this morning and a really sick feeling in my stomach. I tried to have something to eat this morning, but it felt like I would throw up every bite that I managed to force down my throat. The jukebox was playing very loudly and we even did a bit of dancing between the tables. It was great fun, even Jed got up for a dance and he is a bit of a mover. Matt and I had a really long, slow snog before I went in and it made my heart tickle.

We all went round to Imogen’s last night and watched DVD’s, it was a great evening, Imogen had some dips and some crisps and we ordered pizza, her Dad was there when we arrived and he seemed normal and looked much better. His skin wasn’t so pale and he seemed to have a bit of a twinkle in his eye. He had been reminding me of a fish before when his eyes were so dead. Shame that it’s back to school tomorrow, these holidays have not been so bad at all.

We’re getting the results from our mocks on Wednesday, I can’t believe those teachers, they have two weeks off and still can’t manage to get the results ready for the Monday we come back.

I’m a bit of an idiot, I had trouble sleeping last night, worrying about the mock results. I asked Imogen whether she was worried or not and she said no, that whatever happened it was too late to worry now, which is a good way of looking at it, but didn’t manage to stop my mind whirring about. Matt turned up and we went for a walk, he said that it wasn’t worth thinking about it because they were only mocks and that it was the proper exams that were important. Which is totally right, but I hate failure of any sort.

All that worrying for nothing, I have done quite well in my mocks, even the maths one – well I did well considering I cocked it up, I could have got a really high mark if I hadn’t had all that crap to deal with. But, the stupid thing is, is that after the initial relief I then started worrying that I wouldn’t do so well in the real exams, I kind of remember some nonsense about dress rehearsals in theatres – if they go well the actual performance is crap, or if they go badly the performance is good, well some sort of nonsense like that anyway. However, Imogen, Matt and I sneaked off for a celebratory drink at the Swan. Imogen hadn’t done very well, but she seemed happy – she’s not that worried about that kind of thing. I was hoping to bump into Jed to see how he’d done, but we didn’t and when I though about it, I don’t know if he was even in school to get the results. When I got home, Mum said that Uncle Angus had phoned to see how I’d done, which was really good of him – and a good sign that he remembered. But it made me feel badly for not having thought to phone him, I will do that as soon as I can.

Popped in to see Uncle Angus today, he had bought me a book on Great Western Philosophers as a treat for doing well in my mocks. I was really touched, he was on good form and insisted I had a whiskey with him so that we could have a toast. When I got home, Claire was really pissed off as she said that Uncle Angus never does things like that for her and it was obvious I was his favourite. She even asked me if I was hoping to get all the stuff from his will, which was really horrible of her, but actually a smarter comment than I’d have given her credit for. I.E. I hadn’t even thought to that, but she had – that makes a change.

Dad turned up at 11 o’clock this morning, I couldn’t believe it. I answered the door and there he was. I thought there must be some sort of an emergency, but he just sauntered in and found Mum and Steve having a late breakfast. They w ere really embarrassed and started spluttering all over the place. Later it became apparent that he’d called unannounced because Andrew had let it slip that Steve had moved in and Dad was furious that Mum hadn’t phoned him to ask if it was all right!! ASK? What a bloody cheek he’s got, he buggers off with another woman, practically ignoring the fact that he has an ex-wife and children and then thinks he’s got the right to make decisions about our lives. I’m not Steve’s greatest fan, but I don’t see why he, or Mum should have to put up with that kind of crap from Dad. He came the old moral high ground and said that he wanted to see what kind of a man Steve was if he was living with Dad’s children. Which any normal parent would want to know, but not one who hasn’t even bothered to see us for ages. Mum and Steve were a bit soft and tried to placate Dad to get him out of the house as soon as possible. I told Dad that I thought he had a cheek, and he told me that it was typical of me to react like that. I ended up having a bit of a row with him, but it made me feel quite good, because for each thing that he said in his defence I had a rational reason why he shouldn’t think like that. But in the end Mum asked me to leave so that she Steve and Dad could have a chat on their own. I think she was worried that he would cause trouble if I annoyed him too much. Eventually he left, but didn’t bother to say goodbye to me – what a caring Dad...

Claire and Andrew both tried to have a go at me today for being so mean to Dad!! Claire was at work when he called and Andrew was out with his mates. Mum must have told him what I said. I told them that I hadn’t been mean, I had just thought he had a cheek to turn up like that and play the wronged father. I couldn’t believe Claire, she said it was difficult for Dad. Difficult? Difficult would be getting off his arse and seeing us every now and then. Even Mum had a “quiet word” about how I had been rude to him. I said that I hadn’t been rude, I’d questioned why he was behaving like that since he had no right. She said “yes, but he’s your father”, and I said, “much of one” and left it like that. The irony is, is that it doesn’t bother me that he doesn’t keep in touch or make an effort to see us, not the way it bothers Claire and Andrew, I don’t even miss him very much. I’ve accepted that he’s made a new life for himself and that’s that. But, it’s the cheek of it, he’s made his choice, he can’t have it both ways. Steve said, “I know you’ve had a hard time about what you said, but thanks for sticking up for me.” Are they all mad? I wasn’t sticking up for Steve, I was talking about the principal, but anyway, at least Steve didn’t try and tell me off about it.

Well I practically spent the whole weekend wrapped up in this Dad business, when I should have been doing some studying. The exams start in two weeks and I have loads to do. I asked Imogen if she wanted to study tonight, but she said no, she was going out with her Dad for dinner (which is a good sign) but that she would study on Weds. I have done a new timetable, a “crisis timetable” and have told Matt that I am going to be doing loads of studying so won’t be able to see much for him for a couple of weeks. He said fine, but to remember that I also needed a break from studying.