I almost crossed out all that crap I wrote yesterday – what an idiot I am, it’s embarrassing, of course I’m going to miss him, he was special to me for a while, but obviously I was mistaken, he didn’t deserve to be special, I miscalculated and now it’s over and that is that. When I went to cross out yesterday’s rantings, I thought, no, let it stay there and remind me never to be such an arse again. People like that just aren’t worth it. I was going to go out last night, but had such a hangover that I stayed home and had an early night. Claire was going out and spent ages doing herself up, she was in her element – the only one in the house going out on a Saturday night. Yahoo for her, I was so impressed. Andrew asked me if I wanted to play a computer game with him, which was a bit weird as I never play computer games with him. I was going to say no, but then thought, yeah, why not. He said I was crap when we first started playing, but he knows the game inside out and does all this fancy stuff with his hands, but once I got the hang of it, I wasn’t too bad, he beat the crap out of me, but at least I wasn’t the biggest wuss in the land. Mum asked me how Matt was today, I didn’t think she knew anything about it, I could have told her what had happened, but I knew she’d try and cuddle me and make it all right and I couldn’t face that, so I told her that I hadn’t seen him for a while and walked away before she could ask anything else. Steve treats me as if I’m his best buddy these days; he thinks I ran the gauntlet for him with Dad. But it’s still a bit difficult with Steve, because he has no idea how much of an arse he is and when he tries to talk to me, he realises that he has nothing to say – we have nothing in common, so he talks about what we’re going to have for dinner or something like that – riveting.