Had a really good day yesterday, we sat in the park and had a kind of picnic, enjoying the sun. It was funny watching groups of lads playing football and various old codgers walking dogs and stopping to talk to each other. There were a couple of tramps who were sitting talking madness to each other and drinking cans of strong larger, they didn’t really talk to each other, they talked at each other, loudly and excitedly, but it wasn’t clear to anyone, maybe not even themselves what they were saying, it was more like growling. Imogen thought they were a bit scary, but they didn’t take any notice of anyone unless they got too close, then they would shout something, which sounded like “sourpussâ€. . . In the evening we went to the pub, after you’ve been in the sun you kind of get a feeling on your skin, not sunburn, but as if you’ve been warmed to the bone. It made me feel happy and kind of carefree, the pub was busy and we sat outside for the first time, there was a good atmosphere like a holiday or something. After we’d been there about an hour or so Matt turned up with Chris, my heart did a massive lurch. I have deliberately tried to stop thinking about Matt and not writing about him in my diary as I want to move on from all that stuff, but it doesn’t really work that well, he still haunts my me, I get images of him in my head and hear things that he said as well. I keep trying to move on, but I still wake up with an empty stomach and it’s really, really hard. He and Chris came straight over and said “Hiâ€, Imogen and Jed were all for ignoring them, but I said, “Hi, how’s it going?†They stopped and made a couple of answers, but then when there was a big silence they wandered off and got a table. Imogen said she didn’t know why I bothered giving the time of day after they way he had acted. I said that I thought it would give him more power over me if he could see how much he hurt me and that “indifference was the blah lah.†Jed must have thought that we were going to have a bit of an argument because he stepped in with a big change of subject. About twenty minutes later Matt came back and said, “Look I really need to talk to you, please will can we meet?†He must have caught me off guard because I said that I’d meet him for a coffee on Wednesday. I don’t know what got in to me, well I kind of do, I know that I need to move on from this and I can’t seem to as it stands at the moment, I feel as if there’s unfinished business, loose ends that are not tied, so instinctively I agreed to see him. Well, maybe it’s that, or maybe I’m a massive sap and I really want to spend some time with him because I miss him so much. Whatever the reasons, Jed and Imogen couldn’t understand them and looked at me as if I had gone totally bonkers. Imogen wanted to know why I was wasting my time on such a tosser – I couldn’t really answer that.