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Sunday, July 15, 2007

I ended up kissing and cuddling Matt last night; I think Imogen was partly to blame as she sloped off to bed after Jed left. Working in the butchers had taken its toll on him!! We’d had a really nice evening, listening to music and even playing Balderdash, we don’t normally play games. But it was fun and relaxed, I had been thinking about Matt a lot and part of what I was thinking was about how much I missed him. Then Jed left and Imogen went off upstairs, I was expecting Matt to go too, but he didn’t and we ended up staying up another couple of hours just talking the way that we used to. When he moved in for a kiss I wasn’t quite expecting it and just reacted the way I would have done before, then it went through my head that I ought to push him away and tell him to get lost, but the truth is that I was enjoying it too much and I sort of thought why not, it’s my decision and why not decide that I want something more. He asked me if we could start going out again and instead of saying no, I said I wasn’t sure and I wanted to think about it. This morning, I feel a bit differently, and the why not is because he doesn’t deserve it after the way that he behaved. Imogen was bounding about like a tigger when we got up and asked how it had gone with Matt after she’d gone to bed. I told her what had happened, expecting her to tell me that I was a complete idiot and should tell him to stuff it. But, instead, she said that she wasn’t surprised and that if I missed him that much I might as well just go out with him again. I don’t know, I feel all confused again and am not sure what to do; I’ll have to think it over.

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