Archive for September 14th, 2012

Friday, 14th September, 2012

Today was the crappest of crap days, created by crapsters, namely Jade. That idiot of the small yet to be enlarged mammary glands. She really is a sap; she practically skipped into registration, giggling and sure of herself, all excited for some reason. Now don’t get me wrong, Jade is not the sort to keep things to herself, so it was clear that we wouldn’t have to wait long for the treat of an explanation. . . (sorry, just dropped off to sleep there thinking about how boringly predictable Jade is.)

The cause of her divine excitement – Lee Brown – Lee Brown was in the year above us, but left to do a modern apprenticeship at some place. He was a thicko, managed about 3 GCSE’s and that was his lot, he had some sort of cred because he was in a band, they are really rubbish, can’t make up their mind what style of music they want to play so just end up playing their instruments really loud and out of time so it sounds like a big noise (God, I sound like my mum). Anyway, that’s the extent of his cred, apart from the fact that he has a nipple pierced – excuse me while I bow down in adoration. Jade’s had her eye on him for ages, she and her mates would go to all of the “gigs” that Lee’s band played at, oh, I forgot the best part, the band is called Matrix, cunningly named. . . They all think it’s a really “kicking” name, I think they’re a bunch of larrys. Last night Matrix (sorry, still laughing over that one) played at the Vaults which is a place “for the kids” where any old no hoper can get up and play, it’s run by a couple of “ex-musos” who think they are doing “the kids” a favour and that they are hearing “the sounds of the street”. More like the sounds of the M25 when Matrix are playing. Jade and a couple of her mates went up as usual to act like a bunch of groupies and for once Lee noticed her. This is what she said about the romantic encounter:

“So he said hi, and I’m like, hiii.” (move over Britney).

“So he said, what’s up?” (move over rappers)

“And I said, liked the set. Then we just snogged.”

Well that was a real meeting of minds. It didn’t take long for Jade to be persuaded to remove the cunning disguise of a scarf from her neck and proudly show her lovebites.


Guess what? No Eastenders on tonight, instead, the delights of Coronation St, oh and of course before that, Claire and Andrew sat in front of Hollyoaks, discussing the plots and characters as if they were real people.

My brother is such a banjo player. He thinks I lose him cred??