Archive for January 15th, 2013

Tuesday, 15th January, 2013

I went round to Matt’s tonight, Mum doesn’t like us going out in the week very much but she said that it would be ok as long as I didn’t expect to do it every night. Claire was livid, she thinks she should be the one going out since she’s the oldest. It was a bit of a shocker at Matt’s though, because somehow we got onto the sex conversation again and it was a bit of an odd conversation, because I didn’t really know what to say. It should be a simple question – do I want to have sex with Matt or not? But it’s not a simple question. I’ll be sixteen on 9th February, but I don’t feel too young to do it, I think that Matt’s worth doing it with, but I don’t know if I want to, I don’t know if it’ll change things, if it’ll change me or us and then of course there are the risks, pregnancy, VD, all that kind of horror story. Also, I don’t want to define myself through sex, or define our relationship through sex. But then, it’s quite exciting and I kind of want to know what it’s like, God, I’m rambling on like a complete dolt. Anyway, I was really crap at the conversation and said I didn’t know whether I wanted to, he said that it was fine and that he wasn’t pressuring me, the good thing was, that I believed him, I knew that he wasn’t one of these blokes who’d start a big snogging session and then start a massive grope

extravaganza without asking me how I felt. But then again, sex is really important to boys – or is it? Does it depend on what kind of people they are? I think that Matt’s above all that crap, but maybe he isn’t. I have to shut up now before I drive myself insane.