Archive for February 9th, 2013

Saturday, 9th February, 2013

What a night. Went to the pub with Imogen and Matt, but after a bit Imogen said that she was moving on with Paul – who is a regular at the Swan, but not one of the ones who usually hang round Imogen, she was going off to a party with him and wanted Matt and I to go, but we didn’t fancy it. She didn’t seem that bothered, which was a good thing, I was really hoping we wouldn’t get dragged into it, especially since this was the weekend that we should have celebrated my birthday, rather than next weekend. Anyway, Matt and I decided to go back to his instead of staying at the pub all night. It was his idea since his house was empty, and I was happy and feeling quite relaxed. When we got to his we got a drink and then went and listened to some music in his room, it was really nice and intimate and I suddenly thought, well now or never and intimated without actually saying it that I was ready to take things further. It was as if he’d been waiting for me to say that to him and he took charge. I can’t believe I’ve actually had sex, the thing is, it wasn’t anything like I’d expected it to be, you see all this stuff on telly, or read it in books and it’s nothing like the real thing. It was kind of fumbly, and kind of not spontaneous, although that’s because I’d had to say that it was all right. But most of all, it really hurt. It was over quickly and it didn’t seem like a huge occasion had happened. This sounds really mean to Matt, it sounds as if I didn’t enjoy it (actually, I’m not sure I did), but it wasn’t that he was rubbish or anything, it just wasn’t what I thought it would be like and then it was awkward afterwards, he asked me if I was OK and I said yes. I was OK. And then I asked him to make me a cup of tea because I wanted to get myself together and get my clothes back on with him out of the room – how ridiculous is that?